Meeting Luke

I had been in and out of the dating scene for nine years. As a divorced mother of one son, I had not had much luck in the way of love. There were men over the years that I dated seriously, but nothing had lasted. Nothing stood the test of time to become a true, long-lasting love.

July 2024 was an “in” the dating scene month. I was on the sites, a part of some singles groups on Facebook, and was on the prowl when I went out. I was tired of being alone, tired of pointless conversations with men that went nowhere, tired of the dating apps only bringing me men who were interested in something I was not offering.

The week of my birthday, I became lonelier than I had been in an extremely long time. I thought about my bother off in Texas at the moment getting married. I thought about my sister, who had been married for 9 years. I thought about my good friends who were happily married. Even my more recent single friends had met men and were getting serious. I felt like there was something really wrong with me.

I had no idea that week that I was about to meet my lifelong boyfriend, Luke. You see, Luke was nothing that I was looking for, but apparently, he was part of God’s plan for me. He was with me when I was happy, with me when I was sad, with me when I was angry, and with me when I was at my most desperate. He was there through hard conversations, through tears, through the rage. He was there when I was in the hospital for 39 days. And he even hung around after the poison coursed through my veins.

Luke proved he was never going to leave, that he would be there with me for the duration. Try as they may, none of my family, friends, doctors, or nurses could exile him from my life. Luke was bad for me from the start. He made me feel exhausted, winded, and made my heart race when I pushed myself too far. He filled me with dread, fear, and a longing for a different time. He isolated me from family, from friends, and eventually, from my job and my home. He drove a wedge between my life as I knew it and whatever my life was going to become.

I still haven’t fully embraced Luke as my life partner. However, I have learned to live my life to the best of my ability with Luke by my side. Though so much of my day-to-day life has changed, I still do my best to go out, attend events, socialize, and stay involved. I even flirt with my old life, thinking about a future filled with endless possibilities…places I will visit, things I will do, adventures with friends I will take, and even dates I will go on.

Through it all, Luke whispers to me that this will be the hardest relationship I have ever endured. He reminds me daily of his presence, from his name on my bracelet to the device attached to my heart to the scars that now plague my body. Each day I see him when I read the words of encouragement splattering my walls and bathroom mirror. Each day I wake up and don’t leave for work, I am reminded of what he took from me. Each night when I fall asleep in a bed that isn’t mine, I am reminded of new dreams I must create. Every day that I walk in somewhere, and I have to put a mask over my nose and mouth, I remember that he is there.

Luke is a beast, the thing nightmares are made of. I fight daily to rid my life of him. He courses through my body, snaking in and out of my veins, my organs. He has shattered my immune system and caused my ilium to look like Swiss cheese from all the scars he has caused. And still there is more. More poison to send through my veins to exile him. More tests to be run. More prayers lifted up that this terrible beast named Luke is obliterated. More, more, more! Just when I think I can’t give anymore, I reach to the depths of my being and do just that…more.

I hope you will join me next time as I start my journey from before diagnosis. Until then, I will be dancing with Luke!